Wonderings and Wanderings

Tonight I had dinner with most of Steve’s family.  His mom made a delicious supper and Steve’s brother and his sister, brother-in-law and nephew were there as well.  It was a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed my visit with all of them.  I had met all of them through church already except for Will who is 16 months.  He wasn’t quite sure of me.  I got the stare-down pretty good which just shows how wise the little guy is.  It was a very relaxed evening and I felt very welcomed by all of them.  Just so all of you girls can be oober jealous – Steve helped his mom a lot and even cleaned up all the dishes while she and I visited.  Man – a cute AND thoughtful boyfriend??  Color me happy.   (cute and thoughtful are just two of the many, many adjectives I could throw out here but I’ll spare you the excessive sugary comments tonight).

So I’m getting good feedback on the new look to my site.  Thanks!  It is growing on me. I like the simplicity of it.  Now, I’ll work on a new, simplistic look to my life and I’ll be set.  With web design, it was just a few clicks of the mouse and the new site was created.  With my life it will definitely take a lot more effort than a few clicks.  There are simplicity-clicks needed for my house/possessions; for my finances; for my ministry; for my leisure time.  For a while I have been trying to simplify my home and have done a fairly decent job at it.  Purge, purge, purge – the word of the day.  Don’t it feel good?   There is an amazingly euphoric feeling taking bag after bag of "stuff" to Salvation Army or to the dump.  Possessions – some can regain value by giving them over to serve the needs of others; some deserve nothing more than the dump.   Same thing with most non-materialistic things in our life. My life would be much better if much of my time/thoughts/emotions would be given to serve the needs of others and at the same time, some of my time/thoughts/emotions should go directly to the dump.  Seems to be where they originate from anyway.   The past couple of days I have had some of these "dump" thoughts.  It is incredibly easy to become self-absorbed and to view situations completely from your own biased perspectives.  And once you get in that mind-set, it is entirely possible to have such selfish thoughts consume your emotions and thus, dictate your behaviors.  I guess you could call it a version of "trash self-talk".  And just like trash, the odor from such thoughts can cause your attitude to stink.  If you bathe in such thoughts for too long, you begin to get use to the stinch.  But not those who have the misfortune of sharing some space with you.   

After my freshmen year of college, I went with some youth from our church on a week-long hiking adventure to Colorado.  It was grueling.  50-lb packs; major climbs; excess weight (on me – not my pack!)   The whole trip was about 6 days and the only bathing we really did was rinsing off in frigid mountain streams.  We stank – individually and collectively.  However, it wasn’t really apparent to me how horrific my odor was until we returned to town, took a shower and THEN gathered up my dirty clothes.  It was only after I had rinsed (ok – scrubbed) the filth off of me and was reminded of what clean smelled like that I realized how nasty I had been and how rank my clothes were.

Tonight, I realized how rank some of my selfish emotions had been lately.  I prayed and I listened and God told me I stank with selfishness. I was reminded of what clean smells like.  It has the pure scent of selflessness. 

I have a few bags of clothes to take to Salvation Army tomorrow.
I have a few attitudes to take to the dump tonight. 

And I’m sure I’ll make return trips to both places on a regular basis.

Peace – Melissa

Been reading a lot today on the Tour de France as part of my sermon prep for this Sunday.  This Sunday is the final day of the tour and my sermon is related to it in many ways.  You’ll just have to come on Sunday to find out exactly how!!  It really is an interesting journey with a neat history and many wonderful stories of courage, selflessness and determination.  It takes incredible discipline in your life to prepare for such an adventure.

This Sunday’s sermon will be called the "Tour de Faith" on the lectionary text from I Kings 3:5-14 which is one of my favorite texts.  I’m blessed that it happen to fall on the Sunday that I am preaching.  I Kings 3:9 is a life verse for me so I have been blessed by engaging it once again in some study time.

I’m heading out for the evening.  Steve and I have softball tonight and just some of your basic, wonderful "we" time to enjoy.

Peace – Melissa

I had some extra time tonight to work on my blog and decided to give it a fresh look.  We’ll see how long I like it.  It works for now.  If you don’t like it, you can email me at idontcare@all.com.

Had a great time on our CG float trip. We did a 13-mile float on the Current River on Saturday after camping out on Friday night.  About 20 of us.  It was a perfect day for floating – hot sun, no rain.  The river was great.  A little crowded and crazy in some spots but it was still relaxing.  Steve and I are professional floaters and never tipped.  Of course the fact that I threatened death by ziploc baggie to anyone who did I’m sure didn’t hurt us.  Didn’t get a lot of sleep on Friday night but managed to catch a nap today and will be heading to bed shortly so I’m ready for the week ahead.

Today was a quiet with church this morning and the afternoon and evening to take a nap, do laundry, run several errands and just get my house in order.  It was very much needed.  The down time was good for me as well to just do some processing (dear God, not that – anything but more processing.)  I know, I know…  my dad tells me to just chill.  I know I over-analyze, over-think just about everything but I don’t know how to stop. 

There are lots of things that are ironic in life.  The "Terminator" as governor; 80s fashion cool again; etc.  An irony in my life is that my very need to be perfect is actually one of my biggest imperfections.  My constant drive to not fail in any way and to make sure I am the perfect "whatever" to people that I really care about is the same drive that can drive them away.  Isn’t that ironic?  Some, or most, of my processing today was dealing with this understanding.  I have trouble just relaxing or being okay with who I am, where I’m at.  I always feel like there are things I should be working on to be better for myself and for others.  I’m always analyzing how my words, behaviors, etc. and how they are received by others.  If I feel like they fall short or that I let someone down, I’m stuck there until I can make restitution in my mind as well as in theirs.  The more I care for someone, the more perfect I want to be for them.  To me it would be like the ultimate birthday present.  "Hey – Happy Birthday! As your gift, I’m going to be exactly what you want me to be and never disappoint you!" 

I know it is a gift I can never give and that it is unhealthy to expect that I can or to even pursue such a thing. I know that these feelings come from trying to please others rather than God.  I know these things . . . . but I forget them.  I need to practice the words of my father – "just chill!".  Stop thinking so much; stop processing so much; stop trying to control so much.  Just let go, relax and enjoy the ride.  Have a little faith in God and the people that love me – not a perfect me, but the me that I am. They aren’t asking me to be perfect.  I don’t need to ask that of myself either.

In my May 27th, 2005, post I shared this quote:

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive – to grief, sorrow and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before."  – Rollo May

When I wrote about it then, I was writing from the perspective of how I was choosing to love others.  Now, I read it with different eyes – eyes of how others choose to love me.  My deepest gratitude to all who choose to do so.

Peace – Melissa

I’m heading out for a float trip this weekend.  Common Ground is heading out this evening after work to camp out tonight and then float the Current all day on Saturday.  It looks like a perfect weekend for floating – no rain; hot sun; yippee.  I enjoy float trips and being outside.  Tonight will be a campfire and s’mores – YES! Tomorrow will be a very relaxing, all-day float.  Steve will be in charge of the canoe and I’ll make him do all the work while I kick back and relax.   There are 20 of us going and it should be just a great time of community.  It will be weird to be on a church-related trip and not have to be responsible for details, people, etc.  Weird but FANTASTIC! 

Things have been good this week as I’m trying to figure out a normal routine again.  Summer always gets me a little off-balance.  (please refrain from snide remarks.)  Next Sunday I am preaching so need to dedicate some major time to my sermon.  As I do prep, I’ll probably share some thoughts and reflections as I read and study.

Steve and I watched Saw and Memento this past week or two.  Both are very interesting movies.  If you like movies where you can’t figure out the entire story, then you would enjoy these two.  They are surprising and refreshing. (Saw has some violence and gore so just a heads up.)

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.  I’ll post when I return and hopefully will have some entertaining moments to share from our weekend.

Peace – Melissa

I’m back!  Sorry for the sporadic postings.  I was out of town all last week with the youth at Passport camp in Louisville, Kentucky.  I’ll post some pictures in the near future. We had a great week.  It was long but we had many great experiences while there.   It is good to be home, however.  My major summer trips and events are done which makes me happy.  I turn my attention now to preparing two sermons for upcoming Sundays and big picture planning for the 05-06 calendar.

I’m also very glad to be home to be with Steve. Thank goodness for cell phones. How did people survive in the days before cell phones?  Needless to say, in person is much, much better.  Steve and I have had some wonderful time to catch up since I returned.  Steve – you rock my world!

Blake is now crawling like a little mad man and pulling himself up.  He is growing up so fast.  He still loves his aunt in a major way so it is all good. 

I will try to be better about posting.  As you can see, I have many late nights now and not much time to post it seems.  It really isn’t Steve’ fault.  He is a major player in my distractions but it really isn’t his fault. I will do my best to stay faithful to my postings.

In the meantime, let me just say that you are never too old to make wishes on stars.  They, indeed, can come true and be far better than you ever imagined! So, make a wish and enjoy!!

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight.
Wish I may, Wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

Peace – Melissa

Okay, a very quick post since it has been over two weeks since I posted last and since I am heading out of town today (since it is nearly 2 am I can say today) for Kentucky with my youth.  I sincerely apologize for my absence from the blogging world.  I had become so faithful in my postings, so proud of my consistency, so blessed by my verbal sessions on the web yet I was easily distracted and led astray.  And very willingly, I might add.

If you have missed my posts, you may blame Steve because it is his fault.  Completely.  If you know Steve, it will be easier to confront him.  If you do not, you will simply have to curse him from a far and trust that it will be of some good beyond your own personal detoxing of blogging bitterness. 

Okay, okay . . . it isn’t completely his fault.  And for the record, I vehemently oppose any cursing directed at Steve.  And also for the record – Steve has been dropping not so subtle hints that I should return to my blog so in actuality you should be thanking him for this post.

My rather limited free time has been otherwise occupied (ahem) the last two weeks with my boyfriend.  Which is why I’m not complaining.  However, it has left me with little time to sit down and type rather drawn out excuses for why I’ve not been blogging.  Until now . . .

Anywho … I’m having a grand time.  Steve – you are the best boyfriend ever!! (pole)  And not just because you mowed my yard today. 

I’m headed to Passport camp with 39 youth for the week.  I’ll be absent from the posting world for the week but I promise to make every effort to return to more faithful postings after I return.

Have a week full of unexpected blessings and the rich peace of Christ –

Melissa