Some of you choose to love me … warts and all.  Literally.  But not anymore.  I’m about ready to post about some ugliness so if you just ate or you have a tendency to toss cookies, blow chunks, etc. at quasi-nauseous topics, you might just want to skip to the next paragraph.  However, if I’ve captured your attention, read on . . .  So, I developed warts on my thumb last year.  Yep, pretty nasty.  In January, I had them frozen (a painful process that leaves mother-of-all blisters and oozing wounds for 2 – 3 weeks.)  I had 3 frozen and 2 came back in May.  Urgggh.  So I made it through the summer and finally went back today to the dermatologist to have two that returned frozen again.  They hurt.  They’re blistered.  My thumb looks freakier than ever.  For those of you that thought it was disgusting for me to post pictures of my toenails after my pedicure, well . . . you can be thankful that I do have some small amount of compassion for my blog readers otherwise I’d post a pretty little close-up of my blistering, disgusting thumb. 

Had Common Ground friends over last night for a hang-out night. Good times, good excuse to eat bad.  I had spent a good portion of the day moving furniture back into my basement after having my carpets cleaned.  My basement gets a lot of traffic during the school year from high school kids that come over once a week for Bible study.  I took advantage of the moving to rearrange the basement and I love the new set-up.  It got a thumbs up approval from CG folks last night.  I also discovered that I had water damage in the basement from a humidifier pump that ceased working sometime during the week.  Today, I had it serviced and a few dollars later, we are back to functioning once again. My friend, Preston, stayed LATE, LATE and we had a great time catching up and solving all the world’s problems.  Thanks, Preston, for listening and for solving all my issues.  There isn’t anyone I enjoy being narcissitic with more than you.

Time to get back to work.  I wonder if I could justify leaving early due to the throbbing pain in my thumb.  I can’t type well; I have trouble praying due to the distraction of pain;  I have less-than-saintly thoughts right now due to said pain. I"m a little "winey" and we all know wine and ministers is a bad combo (she says sarcastically).  So perhaps it is justifiable if I’m really, really creative . . .

Melissa

I just purchased the Three Days Grace cd last week and love it.  Rarely do I purchase a cd where I love every song but this is one of those rare cds for me (along with Pillar’s Where Do We Go From Here? and Breaking Benjamin’s We Are Not Alone most recently.)  Great songs; interesting lyrics; insanely contagious melodies and rhythms. Great workout tunes.

Anyway, the lyrics of one of the songs really spoke me to today.  The song is Let You Down.

Trust me
There’s no need to fear
Everyone’s here
Waiting for you to finally be one of us
Come down
You may be full of fear
You’ll be safe here
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me
I will let you down
I’ll let you down
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me
Trust me
I’ll be there when you need me
You’ll be safe here
And when you finally trust me
Finally believe in me
I will let you down
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me
Never want to come down

Lyrics speak differently to people.  I don’t know where Three Days Grace is coming from with their lyrics.  But I think any artist respects the fact that poetry/lyrics/writing is open to conjecture by the reader and since what they hear/read is colored by their life experiences and personality, you can’t really say they are wrong. Okay, you can but its like trying to argue grunge was a good fashion phase.  As much as you may believe that to be true, some of us simply can’t go there with you.

Let You Down is applicable to whatever a person places their trust in – except for One, I would argue.  Maybe its another person; maybe a dream or a hope; maybe a skill or ability.  Recently, I’ve been failing in things a little more than I’m use to and its been a good thing for me to experience.  I’ve trusted "me" to an unhealthy degree and guess what – "me" will let me down.  Its a false sense of security and when I put my trust in my own abilities, when I finally feel safe because of my own strength, I will inevitably face the music – I will let "me" down.  Don’t read this thinking I’m all down-on-Mel tonight.  I’m actually quite at peace and feeling very free.  That is the beauty and paradox of freedom in Christ.  Remember that Monday night I was seeking every possible distraction from God?  I finally stopped running tonight.  God caught me . . . and he freed me . . . from my incommensurate self-reliance.  It doesn’t crush my world at all to know that I will let me down – not when I remember with assurance that God won’t.  It is in every way a huge relief to let go because even while I am trusting in my own strength there is that nagging part of me that knows the insecurity and absurdity of it all . . . the inevitability that I will crash and burn at some point. 

So tonight I rest . . . truly rest because God is in charge. (until I try and take it back again in my reoccuring bouts with control.)  But in the meantime,  I rest and savor true freedom from what ails me.

And second, let this just be one more defense against those who would argue that nothing good comes from secular music.  God is limited by nothing!  The Spirit of God can speak (and does speak) through the most unexpected places and people.  We just have to be open to hearing.

Peace – Melissa