There aren’t a lot of things I’m certain of in life. There are some obvious things I am certain of like gravity, the negative effects of reality television on our culture, and the existence of Smurfs.
One of the things I am more certain of than ever is I will disappoint others. I have all the potential and the ability to let you down and most likely have already and will again – as a friend; a daughter; an aunt; a pastor. Definitely as a blogger.
I have spent an inordinate amount of my life trying to avoid this certainty. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. And by “don’t want”, I mean “I’d rather do the worm in slow motion across a ginormous bed of hot coals” than disappoint anyone. During my life, I subconsciously came to believe my worth was tied to pleasing others. If I please others, I am loved and valued. If I fail others, I am unlovable and unworthy. I have the feeling many of you also developed this false idea and have been trying to shake it for a good deal of your life.
I will fail to live up to your expectations of me or the expectations I assume you have for me. Either way, those expectations will not be met sometimes.
I will fail you.
I will disappoint you.
I will fail myself.
I will disappoint myself.
I will fail God.
I will disappoint God.
And so will you.
Before you grab Ben & Jerry out of the freezer, finish this blog.
There is some good news here. Great news, in fact. News that I am certain of but struggle to trust sometimes. Continue Reading…