I’m starting my twelfth year as a youth pastor at the same church.  That is a really long time in youth ministry and a really long time as a youth pastor in the same church.  I remember my current youth when they were mere babies and the first youth I had in my ministry are now having babies.

Over the twelve years, I’ve shared countless moments with hundreds of teenagers.  I honestly don’t have a number for you but I do have names. Names and faces;  joys and sorrows.

It is important to remember the joys from the years.  Those memories are life-giving and often help spur continued years of ministry.  I recently experienced reunions with a couple of youth that had taken the Prodigal Son route and when they were ready to return home, I’m so grateful that I could help demonstrate God’s grace and love to them.  I can’t capture in words how much joy that brought to my life to see them let go of baggage and grab hold of God again.  It is worth it all to see them come Home, to see them shed the guilt, pain and burdens.

But I still remember the time when they “left”.   When our relationship was broken or  distant.  And there lies some of the darkest moments for a youth pastor (and pastors and parents and pretty much any human that loves another human).

I’m not very good about reaching out to people sometimes.  I live in my head and my heart a lot and I don’t say what I should say.  Sometimes the emotions are so strong for me I don’t think I can say them without crying. (You all know my propensity for crying.)  Sometimes I’m too scared to put it out there because I’m afraid of being hurt or rejected.

But if a card was sent every time I thought of you or prayed for you, your mailbox would be constantly overflowing.

I love you.  Just want you to know that.

It doesn’t matter where you’ve been.  It only matters where you’re going and Who you’re going with.

I’m sorry that I’ve left you alone. I didn’t know what to say and if you wanted to even hear from me.

I miss you.

Despite what you might think or feel, I’ve never stopped loving you.

Nothing you’ve done would ever keep me from caring about you.

Nothing you think or belief – no matter how different you think it is from my beliefs – could ever cause me to love you less or dismiss you.

My silence isn’t judgement.  My silence is my fear – my fear of being rejected, my fear of bringing more harm to our relationship, my fear that you might be right in how you feel I’ve wronged you, my fear that I’ll push you even farther away.

For all my current youth and former youth

 I love you.

Sincerely. No BS. No churchy talk.

I’m here.  I simply want you to know that I’m still here and that I still love you.

And more than anything – God loves you and will never stop loving you.  To read about His love, click here.

Has there ever been a time where you’ve felt this way – either done the leaving or been left behind? What did you learn from this experience?  How do you deal with relationships that have become distant?  

I want to help my youth live a better story.  Some of them have had bad stories written for them and some have chosen bad stories. But God has a great Story for them and I want to do everything I can to help them live a better story. A story of living life abundantly. A story that is a great adventure with God.  A story where they realize how beautiful they are because God made them and God forgives them.

But in order to move forward and write better chapters, we all need to let go of some of the baggage from our bad stories.  We need to confess, ask forgiveness and move forward.

We struggle with confession. For a lot of reasons.  I think we try but we never allow sin to really leave our body and soul. Sometimes a prayer confession isn’t enough for us to feel like we’ve let go of something. It is no failure on God’s part because we know God forgives and casts our sin to the ocean floor.   The problem is on our part. We either know but don’t believe God will forgive.  Or believe God forgives but we can’t.

How do we get the toxins out of us?  That is the power of confessing verbally – something that is a part of the Catholic tradition.  But what about my Baptist youth and their friends?   How do they practice confession as a way of owning their sin and also to learn to accept the power of God’s grace in their lives to truly forgive sin and give new starts?

There is a popular website and book entitled PostSecret.  Thousands and thousands of people send in anonymous postcards with their secrets on them.  This is not an endorsement of this site.  In all honesty, many of the secrets told are secrets about hurting someone else through affairs, revenge, etc. and not having any remorse about it.  Some secrets are sad because they show the empty lives and selfish desires of so many of us.  But some secrets are beginnings to healing; the first time a secret is brought into the light and a person can begin to let go.

Last night I invited the youth to post a secret but with the intent that the secret is being revealed to God.  It isn’t for us to celebrate secrets that have hurt others or ourselves.  It is a way for us to pour out on paper what we are carrying in our hearts. Pour out to God what we need God to help us with so we can live a better story.

I told the kids that these were only for God and myself.  That I would take their post secrets and pray over each way.  If they want me to know, they could write their name.  Otherwise, God knows and at least someone is hearing them.

So many of our young people are really hurting. So many of us are hurting yet we carry these secrets inside and they eat away at us. But we have a God who promises us that if we cast every anxiety upon Him and He will care for us. (I Peter 5:7).  May we each find a way to cast our cares to God and allow Him to care for us.

The youth in my youth group teach me a lot of things. There are the very useful things like how to master the Wii, how to have fun, how to fart on demand (okay, I already had that mastered.) They remind me that you can make a difference and that it is never to late to start. They remind me to relax and that to be present in some one’s life is more important than designing a stellar program or event. They teach me that selfishness is pervasive and that I once was as awkward and self-conscious as they are and I would be wise to not forget it.

They frustrate me a lot, too. I can’t count how many times we have a really great discussion or retreat and then in the next breath my youth are treating each other like no class citizens. I love social networking until I read the passive-aggressive status that “wish a certain someone would just get over herself” or “hate it went so-called ‘friends’ ditch you at the last moment for their loser boyfriend”. One can’t helped but feel used when the only time you see or hear from a youth that you’ve cared for is when they need a reference or recommendation or they are having a horrible time in life. But you hang in there with them. Because you love them. Because God strengthens you to love them. And because you are reminded ….

The way my youth behave is how I behave with God. First of all, let it be noted that I’m not comparing myself to God. Despite my occasional joke stating otherwise or because of that one t-shirt I wear that declares “I have the body of a god” accompanied by a picture of Buddha. The comparisons here are completely in the way my youth act and respond to someone that loves them and the way I act and respond to Someone who loves me. How many times does God teach me something and I’m totally excited about it and like, ready to live it out 24/7 and then, like, forget it, like, in 24 minus 7. How many times do I acknowledge the debt that God has forgiven me and then turned around and expect a friend, a church member, or a youth to pay up now or pay later with interest (aka passive aggressive behavior). How many times do I run to God only when I need God to fix a problem, calm a worry, answer an unknown, or recommend me to an awesome guy whom He knows really well. Yet God hangs in there with me. Because God loves me and forgives me. Sure, God lets me fall on my face or down the stairs in front of hundreds landing, wisely, at His feet. But He is always waiting at the bottom to pick me up, to brush me off, and walk with me again. And after making sure I’m okay, to rib me until my ego is put into place.

It took me awhile to learn this lesson but it was a lesson well-learned. I’m a better youth pastor for it. By no means perfect but glad that when I get frustrated with my youth, God whispers in my ear, “I know exactly how you feel.”

Ministry can be discouraging. I imagine it is the same in most jobs.  The things that end up dominating your “to-do list” or clogging your email or voicemail are things that you never intended to spend your time on or be a slave to.  Yet they take (and get) so much from me.

When I dreamed of being a youth pastor, I never dreamed about

• making budgets
• balancing budgets
• praying for money from the sky to save my budget
• meetings
• committees
• mailings and fliers
• buying countless sodas, snacks, and pizzas

But I will say that it is all worth it when ONE youth connects with God in a real way. Whether for the first time or once again. To hear or see them recognize God’s love for them and receive it ….. well, I’ll sit through a hundred committee meetings and plan a hundred budgets for that one moment.

Tonight was one of those moments. And God knows how much I needed that.  It is the life-blood to my ministry.  It is the fuel I need to continue pressing on.  It is what my soul needs to feel at peace and right with the world.

So everything that I have to do that I don’t really want to do? It’s all worth it.  Thank you for reminding me tonight, God.

I leave Sunday for the third and final mission trip of the summer.  This time around I’m heading out with my youth to Atlanta, Georgia, for a week of service at the Moncrief Center. We will be spending each day working with about 60 children in grades kindergarten – fifth grade.  Most of the children are Hispanic children that live close to the Moncrief Center.  They provide many ministries throughout the year.  During the summer, groups come for a week and prepare different activities and lessons to both teach the children and have fun.

Each evening the youth also sing at various locations – churches, senior centers, hospitals, homeless shelters.  They are basically busy from 8 am – 8 pm.

I’m taking 34 youth and 14 adults along for the journey.  We are so excited to spend time together as a youth family as well.   On Saturday, we will be touring the Coca-Cola Museum and the Georgia Aquarium.  Some of the youth are headed to a Braves/Mets game.  Watch it on Fox!  Those ants way in the balcony?  That will be them.

Thanks for your prayers for our trip!  We appreciate all the prayers that we can get.  I’ll be posting updates from the trip on our website at http://www.refugeonline.org. Check there throughout the week to see and hear about our amazing week!