Wonderings and Wanderings

Mark Driscoll – This wink’s for you!! For the background on this wink movement, read Adam’s recent post.

For those readers who haven’t heard of Mark, he is a vocal and popular fundamentalist who I disagree with on most things. He is the founder and pastor of Mars Hill in Seattle, Washington, as well as an author and leader. He is loved and defended by many.  But to many others, he has said some unbelievable things (well, unbelievable to a lot of people other than Mark.) Probably his most infamous comments related to the Pastor Ted Haggard’s firing for sexually immoral conduct. 

I have learned that there is little point to debating such individuals. But it doesn’t meant that those who disagree should be silent about giving another voice to issues under debate. Mark attacks individuals like Brian McLaren and Rob Bell – ministers who have done amazing things for the Lord and for many individuals who have been turned off to God due to the rants of people like Mark.

So – I’m adding my wink to the list.

We must stop setting our sights by the light of each passing ship; instead we must set our course by the stars.  – George Marshall

Great leaders like George Marshall know that your gaze must continually be focused on the right things or you will soon find yourself off course. How tempting it is to lose sight of the stars and follow those around you who seem to know where they are going. One of my struggles lately has been the temptation to follow the passing ships in regards to my ministry to young people. It is a battle that I thought I had won years ago but when you take your eyes off the Star for even a minute, it is easy to become disoriented.

I’ve never been about numbers or the popular thing to do.  I resisted many youth ministry trends that did not support my philosophy of ministry – a philosophy based on my theology and faith journey with God. I’m proud to say my youth group has never gone to "battle" on high school campuses as "soldiers of Christ".  We don’t wear offensive t-shirts that turn people off to God before they can ever hear about God’s love. We don’t spend a lot of money on large entertainment venues that give little to no recognition to the supposed Guest of Honor.

The ministry I serve has mostly known a larger youth group – in the past as well as in recent years while I’ve been the youth pastor. The fluctuations I think have had more to do with the kids that were in the youth family – their degree of outgoingness, hospitality, genuine pursuit of Christ, and their numbers as they grew up in the church.  Larger groups came through. They invited friends. The group was larger.  Smaller groups came through. They were more timid.  The group was smaller. Our group has often been more consistently made up of kids that have grown up in the church.  The new kids that have become a part of our family have come from invitations and persistence by their friends.  When groups are smaller, not as many friends come.

All this to say – we are at the time in our youth ministry when we have a few classes of smaller groups.  They are great youth.  Some are very active. Probably the same percentage of active kids as the larger groups.  Nevertheless, the group is smaller for really the first time in my eight years. And I find myself looking at the passing ships and listening to the voices of their captains.

And I’m frustrated.  With myself. 

Nothing good comes from those passing ships. The only things that come are fear and anxiousness, self-doubt and blaming, feelings of inadequacies and desperate behaviors to catch up with the crowd.

How did I lose sight of the Star? How do I get my focus back? Prayer is the answer to both questions.  I lost sight because I stopped praying.  Instead, I went looking for a bag of tricks to solve the wrong problem.  What can I do to get our numbers up? What quick fix and shallow thing can be done to help us catch up? I’ve been in that scrambling, desperate stage that arises out of fear and it is a tiring and shallow place to lead from.

Throughout I could hear the Spirit beckoning me to rest in God. To trust what I’ve know to be true. To get my gaze focused back on the Star and set our course in the direction He leads us. There has never been a promise of being part of the leading fleet. There has never been the promise of a larger crew.  The promise has always been that if I’ll set my course by the Star, I’ll never be lost. I may not have a large crew but I’ll never be alone.

One of my deep longings as I headed into this week of vacation was for God to realign my vision. I needed to distance myself from the passing stereotypes and trends of successful youth ministry and to reorient my gaze on the One who is the heart of my ministry. If I’m looking there, my youth will see that and ask, "What are you looking at?" Then they will turn their gazes in the direction of mine and learn to watch the Star, not the passing ships.  Isn’t that truly what ministry to youth is about?

Pray for me and for others that are in ministry.  Pray that we will keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith.

I have a beautiful balcony here overlooking a bubbling creek and waterfall that is perfect to read by. However, my allergies are so severe right now, I’m miserable after a few moments outdoors and it lingers with me long after I come inside. 

Boo on allergies.

I continually struggle to find a organizing system that works for me. I’ve bought planner after planner – Franklin Covey, Day Planner. I’ve gone paperless with Sony Clie, Zire, and I currently own a Red Blackberry Pearl (which I love).  But not for organizing.  I love email access 24/7.  I’ve learned that I work best with a paper system – one that allows me to see big picture and attend to details and the multitued of ideas that come from my processing, reading, researching, etc.  On the same note, I’m not faithful to journaling.  I have several unfinished journals.  I would do okay for awhile, then hit and miss, and upon deciding to get back to it, I would purchase a new journal for my new start. Repeat.

So, I was reading one of my regular blog haunts and Adam just blogged about his newest attempt – Moleskin PDA using a modified GTD system.  GTD comes from an incredibly popular book and phenomenon which I read a couple of years ago and really liked.  But I never put most of the concepts into effect. I like the idea of combining my to-do list, project planning, processing and journal in one handy place.  So, I’ve purchased my necessary supplies and I’m giving it a try. The hardest challenge has been deciding what tabs to include. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I am on vacation this week.  A real vacation.  Every year for my birthday, my parents give me time away by myself and it has become something I very much look forward to.  This year I have a few more days than normal and it has allowed me to relax without feeling the rush to the end. Some people, many people, question the idea of going on vacation by yourself but for this strong introvert, it is truly heaven.  I have not spoken a word for 41 hours except to place an order at Panera’s for lunch today. I don’t feel like I haven’t spoken because my mind is always "talking".  An introvert tends to live in his or her head.  Scary sometimes …

My goals for the vacation are few. I’m so goal-oriented that I need a break from that.  I spent yesterday just relaxing and doing nothing.  Read some, watched TV some.  I remember why I canceled my extended cable at home.  I can waste quite a bit of time on HGTV! I also lounged at the pool.  I had it all to myself and enjoyed just messing around some on the final days of summer. I plan to do a little shopping and also to travel to a nearby city to take my step-niece to lunch and to see my best friend and her husband.

Although my goals are few beyond relaxing, one goal I have is to do some cleansing and refocusing – both physically and spiritually.  Physically, I have put on quite a bit of weight this past year. Part due to medication side-effects and part due to my own lack of focus regarding eating choices and exercising.  So this week I’m doing cleansing to retrain my taste buds as well as developing an exercise routine again.  Spiritually, I am doing some focused praying. I brought a couple of books on prayer with me to develop my own understanding and prayer practice.  I have realized a need to be more intentional and dependent on prayer in my life – both personally and professional.  It is quite easy to minister out of skill sets or to do lists or current trends.  I have found myself lately allowing myself to be at the mercy of trends and expectations of others rather than at the mercy of God’s leadership.  Pray is the solution to that.

So, I’m reading Richard Fosters Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home and Philip Yancey’s Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? Along with reading, I’ve committed myself to prayer times throughout my vacation.

On my way here driving down the interstate with 18-wheelers all around, I felt like a woman escaping away to a getaway with her lover.  I was full of joy anticipating our reunion and time together away from the world knowing fully that my Lover is faithful to be completely present, attentive, and always eager to bless me through our time together. Any failure to meet expectations will rest upon my shoulders … not God’s.

Its been a very busy weekend and week.  I had meetings Friday night and all day Saturday.  Sunday was our Summer Missions Celebration.  It was a great worship service and the personal stories were wonderful. Sunday night was our first Chi Alpha (youth worship gathering) of the school year. Monday night was our Deacon/Spouse banquet and tonight was NCD meeting and the first C-Group at my house.  C-Groups are our high school Bible studies and I lead one in my home. Needless to say, even though it is Tuesday night, I feel like it should be the end of the week. But no complaints.  The weather is beautiful and I’m enjoying my work with youth and missions. It is a good busy.

Since the summer departure of our Pastor of Missions and Evangelism, I’ve been working with missions at our church which I truly enjoy.  My interest in becoming a more externally focused and missional church has been growing in recent years and this seems a natural outlet for these ideas and interests that I believe God has been nurturing in me.  Our Missions Committee is in the process of developing a strategic plan to not only guide our giving but also unite our church as a family in partnership with mission opportunities – in our community and around the world.  It is a challenging but needed journey.  I have this amazing vision of First Baptist Church fully embracing our call to be a city set on a hill in our community. It is a beautiful picture. What an amazing legacy to pass along to generations that follow.  First Baptist – the church that cares. First Baptist – the church that serves.  First Baptist – the church that loves.