Unexpected Blessings

barefootA few years ago, I posted often about unexpected blessings. Nearly every day I’d have a blog post that would include something random that happened that day that blessed me. It was a conscious effort on my part to live a life of gratitude and to expectantly look for good in each day. Then, I hit a rough patch with work stress and hurtful breakups and no matter how badly I tried, I struggled to find the unexpected blessings in life.

It has been a long road back (much longer than I wish) but this past year especially has been an amazing time of healing, strengthening and reflecting. There have been so many, many wonderful blessings that I can’t begin to count or name. But I cherish them and I find joy and hope in them.

I think there have been an abundance of blessings in my life the past few years. Some I noticed; many I did not.  I wasn’t looking for them; I was focused on pain or failures or disappointments. The only difference in this year and these previous years was me. I’m looking now – expecting –  and I’m overwhelmed by the goodness and the beauty that surrounds me each day. 

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Depression Thaw

A poem I wrote after months of healing from depression.

 

a cold breeze creeps in
mixing with tears
freezing limbs and veins
weighed down
threatening to snap
shattered in pieces
thawing comes
warming limbs reach upward
spring rounds the corner
green found within
nourished by melted tears
new life, new branches

Healing and Hoping

I’m two days into my annual solitude vacation.  For a few years now, my parents give me a week away for my birthday.  They know their daughter well.  Solitude and meditation are healing for me and after a busy summer of travel, this week was very needed.

I’ve slept in. I’ve not seen a person I know. I’ve showered but not much else. I’ve enjoyed the beautiful outdoors.  I’ve read.  I’ve thought. I’ve prayed.

Today I truly realized how much I’ve healed from my severe burnout and depression from three years ago.  It truly has taken longer to heal than I thought it would once I realized and accepted what I was dealing with.  What a journey.  How wonderful to realize how time, family and friends, medication and God have carried me to a place where I’m steady on my feet again and willing, and excited, to look forward.  Those who have suffered from depression know what an amazing step it is to be able to look forward at all – let alone with excitement.  I want to acknowledge and CELEBRATE – not that I’m cured, but that I’m healed.  There is a difference.

One of my desires for this week is to assess my life at this point and to makes some changes.  In health and rest is a good time to do such reflection. I’ve allowed my job to take precedence over my relationship with God.  I’m too busy doing things for God that I don’t make time to be with God.  I’ve not been listening.  I’ve not been quiet.  I’ve been too busy doing that I didn’t realize that I left God back a few miles at the last rest stop.  This week is about turning around, finding God, and spending some time together catching up. Just the four of us.