Okay

eternal-sunshine-of-the-spotless-mind-2004One of my favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind starring Jim Carey and Kate Winslet. In the movie, Joel, the uptight, Eeyore guy falls for Clementine, the bohemian, Jenny Gump type girl. They have an amazing relationship until Clementine gets bored and tired and changes her mind. Fortunately for her and to the anguish of Joel, Clementine is able to have Joel erased from her memory. The movie focuses on Joel’s attempt to erase Clementine from his memory but erasing her from his heart proves to be more difficult than he thought. Eternal is a tremendous movie with depth and poetry. I always marvel at the minds that can capture and pen such amazing insights yet so subtle that you honestly think you are the only one who caught it.

Relationships are tough. They are work. They are messy. I think that is what scares me the most about commitment. The work. The truth that I can’t just ignore or avoid things when it is convenient for me. The scary realization that you are in this together. I know that this is comforting to many people. I know this simply because they say it is and because so many people go for it. I don’t know it from personal experience. I hear “in this together” and I hear prison doors slamming shut and Percy Wetmore yelling in the background “Dead Man Walking”. My worst nightmares involved marriage ceremonies where the countdown is on, I’m in white and dead-sure I’m about to make a big mistake. And by nightmares, I mean literal nightmares – “wake-up-in-cold-sweats”, “i-need-to-go-for-a-walk” nightmares.

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45 Lessons from 45 Years

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Their first date – April 18, 1964. They were married August 12, 1967.

Today, August 12, 2012, is my parent’s 45th wedding anniversary.  It was legal to wed when you were five years old back then. That is why they’re so young.

45 years with another person.  As I flippantly said to them on their 30th wedding anniversary, “Wow.  30 years together.  That’s longer than I’ve been alive.”  One obvious result of their marriage is a brilliant daughter.  My sister, of course.  But I am serious when I say that I’m so glad they got together. Because even though I use to think I would have just been born to some other random parents, I know better now – my parents were my only shot at life.

Seriously, it is hard for me to imagine sharing daily life with another person for 45 years. I’m not married but I know lots of married people and marriage is work.  A lot of dying to self and not getting your way. Which makes me wonder why marriage is so popular in the first place. Maybe it is because a lot of people don’t know about the hard work part when they start the adventure. It’s all sunshine and roses and sex. But then you come back from the honeymoon, you are met by clouds and thorns and no sex. Okay, maybe not all the time but on occasion. 

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Okay

One of my favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind starring Jim Carey and Kate Winslet.  In the movie, Joel, the uptight, Eeyore guy falls for Clementine, the bohemian, Jenny Gump type girl. They have an amazing relationship until Clementine gets bored and tired and changes her mind.  Fortunately for her and to the anguish of Joel, Clementine is able to have Joel erased from her memory.  The movie focuses on Joel’s attempt to erase Clementine from his memory but erasing her from his heart proves to be more difficult than he thought.  Eternal is a tremendous movie with depth and poetry.  I always marvel at the minds that can capture and pen such amazing insights yet so subtle that you honestly think you are the only one who caught it.

Relationships are tough.  They are work.  I think that is what scares me the most about commitment.  The work.  The truth that I can’t just ignore or avoid things when it is convenient for me.  The scary realization that you are in this together.  I know that this is comforting to many people.  I know this simply because they say it is and because so many people go for it.  I don’t know it from personal experience.  I hear “in this together” and I hear prison doors slamming shut and Percy Wetmore yelling in the background “Dead Man Walking”.  My worst nightmares involved marriage ceremonies where the countdown is on, I’m in white and dead-sure I’m about to make a big mistake.  And by nightmares, I mean literal nightmares – “wake-up-in-cold-sweats”, “i-need-to-go-for-a-walk” nightmares.  

Continue Reading »